Dating 101: Don’t Fear the Rebound!

Dating101: Don't fear the rebound! It's perfectly natural!

Dating 101: Don’t Fear the Rebound! It’s Perfectly Natural!

Everyone told me that I would rebound after my divorce. Of course, I had been through breakups before in the past and vaguely recall the guys who fell into my trap, or should I say, I fell into theirs. But we go through these things right? Whatever was missing in our previous relationship, is something we desperately seek out in the next. It’s bound to happen unless you wait forever and a day to start dating again. For me, I was anxious to saddle up and get out there!

Only Do It When You’re Ready

My marriage had long been dead before I finally decided to file for divorce. I’m talking at least 5 plus year, of which 3-4 were sexless. Unlike someone who will remain nameless, I waited to put myself out there when I officially became separated. That was the day I filed for divorce.

Because my marriage (if that’s what you can call it) was lacking in so many areas, I was anxious to start talking to men and start dating. As someone who does not do the bar scene, I was left with online dating.

Mind you, I was ready.

Emotionally ready to move on. And physically, well, that was long overdue!

But everyone’s situation is different. The thought of dating might make you vomit.

So, I Did It

I put myself out there and was shocked at the number of over 40 men looking for:

  • hookups
  • dating
  • friends with benefits
  • a committed relationship
  • a long-term relationship
  • marriage

I’m sure there are just as many women out there as well. I obviously didn’t sign up looking for a female companion. 😉

In no time, I was receiving messages about people wanting to meet me, play with me, have sex with me, and be a father to my unborn children.

Yes, it is a bit whacked out there!

I talked to several and decided to meet one in person.

Introducing My Rebound

Remember when I said my marriage was lacking. Well, the person I met was his exact opposite. He paid attention to me. Told me I was pretty. Desired me. Bought me little gifts. Treated me well. And so many other things.

I was blindsided!

Dating101: Don't fear the rebound! It's perfectly natural!

My emotions were running so high that before I knew it, I was head over heels in love. The whirlwind of fun, attention, love, promises of forever were so overwhelming, I didn’t see the signs in front of my eyes.

The signs of someone who was growingly a jealous and possessive man person. One who wanted to control me and my life. One who stalked me with family members online.

Until one night, it all came crumbling down.

I had just had my first and last rebound since my marriage.

I’m Glad it Happened

Unfortunately, for both of us who had some kind of feelings involved, it ended abruptly and not on such good terms. However, I’m thankful it did because it was not the life I wanted. Once I ended it, I saw the relationship for what it was. Two people who were needing something and got it. Only one of us was smart enough to walk away.

I knew it would happen. You get caught up in all the emotions and fun. Everything your previous relationship was lacking, is what you seek now.

It’s perfectly natural to rebound after a broken relationship, although some professions may disagree with that. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes more than once!

As men and women who desire someone sexually, emotionally, and on an intellectual basis, it’s hard not to fall quickly when you receive the attention.

It’s up to US to make sure it’s a healthy relationship and not just filling the gap of something that has long passed.

Don’t Feel Guilty

Reflect on what happened and how it happened. Vow to not let it happen again. Although it still might, especially if you wear your heart on your sleeve like me.

Right out your feelings, your wants, your needs. Carefully select your next dating partner. He/She may not be what you have envisioned for yourself but we must remember to keep an open mind.

Go slowly.

Enjoy the dating fun.

Get to know the person (even if on a sexual level).

We’re all adults here. Don’t worry about what people think or say about you.

Let’s hear from you!

What have you learned since getting back in the saddle? Did you have a rebound? Two, Three? How are you now? Let’s share it!

5 thoughts on “Dating 101: Don’t Fear the Rebound!

Add yours

  1. I think rebound affairs are fairly common and part of the healing process after the breakup of a long relationship. Getting too serious too quickly can definitely lead to disaster, though. I wrote a poem about that once, called “Magic Man” (like the song by Heart). Every woman should have at least one of those, sometime in her life. ☺

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    1. I agree, Debbie. I think we need to have at least one, hopefully just one, so we can realize what it is we truly want. I love that song by Heart! I’m happy I figured it out before it was too late and am now moving onto bigger and happier pastures! xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree with Debbie D 😛 Magic Man…that’s what this guy was for you, for a while. Too bad he ruined it by being a possessive idiot. This is such a great article, Bren. Fresh after divorce is such a vulnerable time for both men and women. I recall the tears, the longing to be a couple, the fear of opening my heart, all of it. It’s so hard. You had your head on straight by ending this whirlwind romance just in time. (I think I recall the posts on facebook re: that guy). I knew you were falling fast but like you say, everyone needs a rebound. I bet it felt great to be wanted, adored! Great advice here!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey girl! Yes, I was falling fast because I so desperately wanted that type of attention. Honestly, I knew it would never work, but I still liked all the “butterflies” one gets, ya know? But yes, I figured it out and I’m happy I did. My “Mr. Perfect for Me” is out there. I know he is. Once I find him, I’m never letting go.

      Thank you, Lisa, for being such an inspiration to me. Your blog has helped me in more ways then you could ever know. Love ya! xoxox

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