Finding a New Mate after Divorce

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Finding a New Mate after Divorce

You may not see it now but eventually, I hope, you’ll be on a mission to find a new mate.

Don’t let Divorce sour you towards new relationships.

We all deserve to find happiness and share our lives with another person.

But since we’ve already been duped before, let’s realign our thinking a bit.

Finding a New Mate after Divorce

Once you’re ready to set out on a new adventure in finding a companion or even a lover, there are a few things I believe you should ponder.

As you know, we don’t want to end up in the same sinking boat again.

Of course, I’m no expert and I’ve had no professional training. My experience, as a divorcee and one who has moved on, is what I’m sharing here today.

Make sure you’re emotionally ready to move on

Please take the time you need to heal from a previous relationship. We don’t want to jump into something new with our old baggage tagging along.

Make a list of characteristics you want in a mate

This is key.

We all want someone who is the complete opposite of the last asshat that broke our hearts, right?

So let’s not make the same mistake!

Finding a New Mate after Divorce

Let’s make a list and prioritize them.

1.  Your “absolute needs”

It’s alright to add physical characteristics to this list but let’s not focus on that. For we all know, eye candy does not last forever…..especially in mid-life.

  • stability – has a home, job, vehicle, independent, emotionally well

Chance are you don’t want to get involved without someone who lives with a relative and depends on Uber to get around.

2.  Your “would like’s”

This is where I prefer to add physical characteristics.

Finding a New Mate after Divorce

  • hair
  • teeth
  • physique
  • eyes
  • hands
  • dogs or other animals
  • children
  • place at the beach
  • boat
  • camper
  • hobbies

3.  Your “would accept’s”

This one can be tough because most of us don’t want to settle for just anyone this go-around.We have a “basic” idea of what we want in a new mate.

Finding your next mate may be tough, so please be open to something you may not have been in the past.

You don’t have to marry the next person you get with.

Enjoy the companionship of dining out, going to the movies, and just having a friend.

Get Your Act Together and Start Looking

There are many places to look for a new mate.

  • Dating Sites
  • Workplace – although I don’t recommend
  • Through Friends – another I’m leery about
  • School Functions
  • Gym
  • Other Communities Get-Togethers

Wherever you decide to look, take your time.

There’s no need to be in a rush.

Date around. Make new friends. Enjoy finding your new self. Spend time with just you.

Don’t force a relationship to happen and don’t be clingy.

Chance are your potential new mate has the same insecurities and baggage that you do.

Just take it slow, be safe, and have fun at it!

Want to share your story with us? Contact me!

4 thoughts on “Finding a New Mate after Divorce

Add yours

  1. This is absolutely perfect advice, Bren! Loving self first really helps in the search for our second partner. I’m currently reading Vishnu’s book “Love After Heartbreak”. It’s amazing and also shares the same points as you have here. I can send you a recommendation on Goodreads once I’m finished it, if you’re interested. Great post, Bren!


    1. Hey Lisa! Thanks so much, my friend. I’m glad you found it helpful and not to mention points from a book? Awesomesauce! I’m in a divorcee group for women and I see too much. It inspired me to write this post and point out some key tips, at least, ones I’ve found helpful. Would love the recommendation, doll! Thanks, girl! xoxo


  2. Great post Bren. Very helpful for anyone trying to find a new partner. It was also really revealing – and very true – and full of things that a person might overlook unless they are actually paying attention – finding a new mate is hard. Wishing you well 🙂 Thanks for commenting on my blog earlier – MLSTL party 🙂


    1. Hi Jo and thank you! Oh indeed it can be tough and people can be shrewd. Sometimes they aren’t always what they appear to be. It can be fun yet frustrating. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by!


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