Relationships

When You Don’t Feel the Need to be in a Relationship

I know.

I’ve been MIA from my poor little bloggy, but let me explain.

Ya see I’ve been trying to get my act together.

Being on your own after what seemed to be a bazillion years can send your emotions on a roller coaster ride.

But I think I finally got it!

When You Don’t Feel the Need to be in a Relationship

When we go through a divorce, whether man or woman, you can go through a multitude of emotions.

  • Feelings of needing to get right back into a relationship
  • Going into seclusion because you can’t trust the world
  • Or a “tweener where you want to date again but you don’t want all the other drama involved

After being separated for over a year, divorced since November 2017, and finally settling into my own, I think I found where I want to be. But let’s look at these a bit closer.

Feeling the need to be in a relationship

Some of us are so emotionally attached to the “being in a relationship feeling” and being a “couple” that we anxiously seek out another.

Trust me when I say this, Be Cautious!

You may end up with the dreaded rebound!

I’m by far not a professional, but the most important thing after you divorce is to FIND YOU AGAIN!

So many of us get caught up in the marriage that we actually lose the sense of who WE are as in INDIVIDUAL.

Helpful tips:

  • Take time for you
  • Get your ducks in a row
  • HEAL
  • Make new friends
  • Start a new hobby
  • Enjoy just being YOU!

Seclusion: Escaping the World

It happens.

We are so hurt by our divorce, the breakup, and everything to do with it.

People who we thought were friends have kicked us to the curb.

They chose sides and maybe it wasn’t yours.

You feel like an outcast and don’t know how to do things on your own.

It’s totally normal to feel like this but by all means, DON’T BECOME A HERMIT!

Life is out there waiting for you!

This is the time to reinvent yourself!

A stronger, more confident YOU!

Don’t let the thought of not being a couple, of being a failure, or of being totally alone smashing your hopes and dreams!

You’re not alone in this!

Seek out a group of like-minded individuals!

If you’re on Facebook, there is a fabulous group called Dating After Divorce. It’s hard-core so not for the faint of mind. But there are women out there like you and me that are moving on with our lives and getting support from others just like us!

Note: If trying to join the group, you must answer the questions before being admitted. No men! No married women!

There is hope out there so don’t go into seclusion!

When you don’t feel the need to be in a relationship

I believe this is where I finally am.

I’ve been dating.

I’ve had my rebound.

I’ve played the dating sites.

However, what I find most fulfilling, is finding ME again.

I’m a work in progress.

I’m stronger than I was before.

When I once thought I didn’t want to go this alone, I don’t mind now!

I enjoy my home sweet home.

It’s peaceful.

It’s mine.

I can do what I want (with approval from my two dogs). 😉

I come and go as I please.

I answer to no one.

If I want to have fun, I can go out!

I can date on my terms.

I don’t need to sleep over.

As a matter of fact, I don’t want to!

I enjoy having my bed to myself!

Whatever mess is made in my house, it’s mine!

I have to answer for that.

I don’t want to do sleepover periods!

Romantic relationships don’t mean you have to go to bed with that person, sleepover, and wake up to them in the morning!

It’s time you are happy, like I am, and do things your way!

If not being alone isn’t for you, I get it.

My father was like that.

He just couldn’t do it alone.

However, I tried to stand on my own two feet all my life.

I let me guard down during my marriage and now divorced, I’m finding my groove once again!

It’s fine to walk alone for awhile or for the rest of your life.

You can have friends and be perfectly content!

Most importantly

Be happy with where you are in life and if you’re not, make improvements.

  • Create a game plan.
  • Make deadlines/goals for yourself
  • Make new friends (male and female)
  • Become stronger
  • Be independent
  • Learn how to stand on your own
  • Learn to Love YOU!

No one says you must be in a relationship.

That’s a decision only you can make.

But if you chose to be in a relationship, make sure it’s because you really care about the person. Not because you don’t want to be alone.

And if you chose to not have a relationship, a defined, committed relationship, power to you!

Only when you are truly happy with yourself, can you be happy with others.

This works the same for love.

Only when you can truly love yourself, can you wholeheartedly love someone else.

Let’s hear it…….please share your thoughts with us below.

4 thoughts on “When You Don’t Feel the Need to be in a Relationship

  1. You’re a strong woman and a survivor, Bren. Congratulations on getting through the divorce and coming out the other side even stronger! What you’ve written here should be helpful to anyone going through a breakup. Excellent advice!

    Like

    1. Thanks so much, Debbie. When we go through these things, we have to continue to push forward, right? I appreciate your kind words. they mean a lot to me. So often we feel like we have been abandoned and just don’t know how to function not as a couple. I think it’s a phase we go through, but I want men and women to know, it’s alright to walk alone. 😉

      Like

  2. Hi Bren,

    Love your outlook on relationships. After a divorce, we don’t want to repeat the same “mistake” again. This is why it is so important to take time for ourselves and enjoy our surroundings like you have. Once we grow out of that divorce phase, relationships do pop up. But going through the phase of having a good relationship with yourself, will bring a good one with others from friends to lovers.

    -Donna

    Like

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